My Wish

I usually dont like to write long paragraphs on my blog. My thoughts are usually all over the place and I have trouble sitting down and getting them to make sense to anyone but myself. So I use alot of pictures and very few words. Today is no different. I have so much on my mind right now. So please just bear with me or just look at the pictures of my handsome first born and just ignore my ramblings.

We got these new knee splints for E recently. He has to wear them for four hours a day. They are supposed to help stretch his knees. His therapist, Ms. Christy, says that he needs the extra stretching because right now he only gets a few minutes every week. This week we also received the news for the first time that E's range of motion in his knees has not improved over last year. He has always improved every year, so this is hard news for me to hear. He has held steady with where he was last year and has not lost any range so that is a good thing. But it does make me wonder what did I not do for him this year? We did cut his therapy down because he was starting school and it was going to be an exhausting schedule to do the school requirements and the therapy requirements. So maybe that was it. I dont know.
I remember when E was just a baby. We really didnt know much about his diagnosis, and to be honest we dont know a whole lot now. But at that time, we just knew that stretching and therapy might be the way to go. So we did it. He started physical therapy at 2 months old. I also massaged and stretched his little arms and legs every day, three times a day. He got little casts for his legs that we wrapped with ace bandages because his feet were to small to have braces made. I have precious video of him smiling some of his first smiles with those little casts on. He was always such a happy and content little baby.

I think that the hardest thing about this is that E is getting older. He notices the difference in himself and other children. He does not want to play games at AWANA because he knows that he cannot run fast enough to compete. ( and he got his mother's competitive gene!!) And it bothers him at the playground when he cannot do certain things that the other kids are doing. (climbing rock walls and ladders) It bothers me when I see his little brother doing these things so easily and I know that E cannot do them.

I know that E will get through this. He will adapt like he has always done and we will all move on to the next thing. Life and all of its distractions will happen. I also know that there are alot of children out there with problems worse that his. The most important thing that I try to remember is that we are not made for this world. God is molding us into the people that He wants us to be, and our lives and our problems are to bring Him glory and honor. When I pray for E my prayer is not that God will heal his legs and that he will have a "normal" life. I pray that he will come to know the Lord, the All-Powerful Creator of the universe, and to call him Father and Friend.

But my wish, my wish is that kids would be allowed to just be kids. To not have problems and worries and appointments and therapy. That is not the life that E will have in this world. But maybe someday in heaven I will see E running at full speed and kneeling at the Fathers throne and what a day of rejoicing that will be.